Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Time to wine down."
"I mead more wine."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"You're the wine that I want."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"I need to re-wine my life."
"It's wine o'clock."
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Back that glass up."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
"Sip, sip hooray."
"On cloud wine."
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"Read between the wines."
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"Here for the right riesling."
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."