I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I yam what I yam.
I think therefore I yam.
I love you from my head tomato
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
This foundation is rock salad.
I hope for world peas.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.