Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I hope for world peas.
Everybody romaine calm.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I love you from my head tomato
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I think therefore I yam.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Keep calm and carrot on.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Time to celery-brate.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.