Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Keep calm and carrot on.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
This foundation is rock salad.
I think therefore I yam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I love you from my head tomato
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Everybody romaine calm.
What a spud muffin.