What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Everybody romaine calm.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I yam what I yam.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I think therefore I yam.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
This foundation is rock salad.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I love you from my head tomato
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Time to celery-brate.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What a spud muffin.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I hope for world peas.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.