Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I yam what I yam.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I hope for world peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Everybody romaine calm.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I love you from my head tomato
I think therefore I yam.
What a spud muffin.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.