What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Time to celery-brate.
I love you from my head tomato
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I hope for world peas.
What a spud muffin.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Everybody romaine calm.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I yam what I yam.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I think therefore I yam.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
This foundation is rock salad.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Keep calm and carrot on.