I think therefore I yam.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
This foundation is rock salad.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I hope for world peas.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I love you from my head tomato
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I yam what I yam.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Time to celery-brate.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Everybody romaine calm.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What a spud muffin.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.