I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Everybody romaine calm.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I love you from my head tomato
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Keep calm and carrot on.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
This foundation is rock salad.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What a spud muffin.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Time to celery-brate.