Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
This foundation is rock salad.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
I yam what I yam.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Everybody romaine calm.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I love you from my head tomato
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I hope for world peas.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I think therefore I yam.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What a spud muffin.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Time to celery-brate.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I need to take this picture for my instayam