What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Time to celery-brate.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What a spud muffin.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I yam what I yam.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Keep calm and carrot on.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.