Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.