I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.