What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.