Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.