Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!