Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.