I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.