Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.