Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.