I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.