When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.