Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.