While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.