When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.