I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!