What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!