What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.