While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.