Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.