Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”