What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.