Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!