The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”