What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io