What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.