The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.