Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.