Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.