If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.