My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.