Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.