Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.