What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!