So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.