Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!