I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.