You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.