I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.