Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!