Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.