I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!