All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye