Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
"Read between the wines."
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.