I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"