What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”