What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".