When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.