I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.