Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.