What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!