How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!