What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!