What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.