Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.