I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
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