What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
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