What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
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