My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
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