I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.