You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF