I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.