Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF