My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington