What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.