How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.