My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What does a house wear?
Address.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
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