What does a house wear?
Address.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
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