How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
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