Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
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