What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
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