Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What does a house wear?
Address.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
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