Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What does a house wear?
Address.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”