Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What does a house wear?
Address.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
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