What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
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