I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?