What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What does a house wear?
Address.
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