When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What does a house wear?
Address.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
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