I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
You are shrimply the best!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
You seem a little mer-mad.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.