What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Seas the day!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Call me on the shellphone.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!